she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
