Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
