whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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