Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
