Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
