is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
