you have to choose: penises or morals?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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