i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize