Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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