I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
