Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
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