Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Randomize
