I wish you could order shots online.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
as a side note pls kill me
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
