Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
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Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
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She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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