you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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