Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Randomize
