I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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