Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
only you would photoshop your dick
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
