I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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