I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
