We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
