so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
