no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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