The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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