i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
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Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
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So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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