Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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