I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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