sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
