Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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