Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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