I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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