I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Please, let me fuck your mom
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
