I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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