The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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