my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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