You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
We're too hungover to prance.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
