smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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