things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Found the puke drawer
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
i now understand why vodka
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
