Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
