Just fell off a train. Bad.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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