why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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