can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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