I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
