Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
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