Princesses don't give blow jobs
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
