That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
