Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
