oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
