GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
