can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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