I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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