Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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