My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
do herpes really smell.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
