i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
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