Where did you get a picture of my penis
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
