not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
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