ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
