I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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