Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
