I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
