i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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