Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
