I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Define "chronic" masturbator.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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