My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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