I could make wine with my vomit
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
