his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
