i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
