I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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