im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
