I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Sext me about skeletons
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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