If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
