I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
