Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
