Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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