Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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