you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
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Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
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drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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