I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
