I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
