I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
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