she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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