super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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