She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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