he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
