Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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