she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i just sent this text using only my big toe
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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