just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
the raccoons are back...
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