I swear she didn't look like that last week.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
