My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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