Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Randomize